Monthly Archives: November 2012

Eli Manning swaps Five years of salary for unlimited ‘Otter Pops’

In an unprecedented act, Eli Manning of the Giants has requested a formal change to his signed contract.

Rather than receive in excess of $16 million dollars per year for the next few years, Eli has told Giant management “you know what I want. Money means nothing to me…otter pops, boss…otter pops.”

Eli has been difficult to reach for comment, because our false sources who reported this story are telling us that Eli prefers being alone in his Manhattan condo, cranking up the heat, and then enjoying his favorite freezer treats until game time.

We’ll continue to follow this story, but rest assured that Eli’s performance will likely sky-rocket now that he has the appropriate motivation in place.

Denny’s endorses Vincent Jackson as the official face of the Lumberjack Slam breakfast

Denny’s has just announced that they will endorse Vincent Jackson as the official face of the Lumberjack Slam breakfast.

After VJ’s 95 yard reception, which by the way ended on the 1 yard line, Denny’s immediately went after Jackson to make the offer.
Denny’s shift manager, Mitch Grundle, explains: “Vincent came in early Sunday morning and ate 3 Lumberjack Slams, and 3 large chocolate milks…we’ve seen people eat 3 slams before, but the 3 chocolate milks was unprecedented. We knew we wanted him on our team.”
And after the 95 yard reception didn’t get Jackson into the end zone, Mitch knew the Lumberjack Slam played a huge part. “We’re thinking of re-naming it to the ‘VJ Slam’ to try and convince other stellar athletes to get tackled on the 1 instead of scoring touchdowns. It’s the American way.”
Vincent Jackson agreed to interview with me, but insisted I meet him at Denny’s in Tampa Bay. “He doesn’t talk on the phone while he eats” said Mitch. “He just loves our food and chocolate milk too much.”