Monthly Archives: September 2014

Lil Rufio claims conspiracy, blames Stafford for pee stain on carpet

“He came home, drank 9 or 10 PBR’s, and then just peed on the carpet right in front of me,” claimed Lil Rufio, the pomsky belonging to Detriot Lion tight end Joseph Fauria. Lil Rufio has been blamed for causing an ankle injury to the former UCLA Bruin, but multiple eye-witnesses have confirmed quarterback Matt Stafford as the culprit, as well as a few others who claim Stafford has urinated on their front lawns as well.

Shane Vereen “pumped” about playing time; confident about Pat’s potential

“Look how Tom’s playing, look how happy Coach Billy is. I’m gonna get alot of snaps this year!” Vereen was ecstatic after Monday’s performance against Jamal Charles, which they barely lost, 18-14.

Glennon throws game-winning TD, tells Pittsburgh fans and media to “get off me, bitch”

Mike Glennon is the man – not even Big Ben can deny it. After a standard Bucs loss to the Falcons last Thursday night, Glennon spent 4 hours a day reading George Washington’s biography “Ugly but Succeeding.”  And it showed on Sunday, as he racked up 300 yards and 2 TD’s , including the game winner to Vincent Jackson.

Cutler not impressed with the “girth” of Bears receiving corps

Contrary to every commentator who ever discussed a Bear’s game, Jay Cutler is unimpressed with his talented trio’s physical ability. At 6’6, 6’4 and 6’3, his options are plentiful. When asked about the abundance of talent and physical strength of his offensive weapons, Jay blew cigarette smoke in the reporter’s face and said: “you’re blocking the TV.”

Kirk Cousins steals pregame otter pops from Eli, Giants QB scores 5 TD’s as revenge

“He’s real sneaky,” Eli said after the game, in reference to Washington Bonercat quarterback Kirk Cousins, who was caught red-handed sneaking into Eli’s personal mini freezer full of otter pops. “I’m watching that freezer most of the day,” Eli said. The two decided to wager a bet on the Thursday night game – whoever got more fantasy football points, would get the otter pops. The rest is history.

Chargers preparing for another RB injury, talking to Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson

Discounting their legal disputes, the San Diego Chargers are talking to Peterson and Rice in anticipation of more significant injuries to their running backs. “It’s all about the numbers,” San Diego statistician Jason Branch remarked. “On paper, you can’t go wrong with these guys.”