Nothing exciting happens at draft; nothing at all

Winston did in fact go #1, Chip Kelly couldn’t trade up for Mariota, the Raiders will squander another top tier talent and the Jets beefed up their defensive line again. The only sneaky pick was Shane Ray going to the Broncos, which affirms our conspiracies that John Elway snuck a small bag of weed in his glove compartment before alerting authorities. As a result, the star defensive end from Missouri dropped in the draft so that the shockingly desperate Denver Broncos could pick up another star.

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