Tag Archives: eli manning

Eli Manning wants to be the highest paid player in the NFL

The face of New York, and thus the face of the world, Eli Manning has declared to the NFL he wants to be the highest paid player in the league. He wants a helicopter made of gold, and he has also demanded ‘dibs’ on anyone else’s newly frozen Otter Pops. “ESPECIALLY the blue ones” Eli reiterated.

Currently, the highest paid player is Aaron Rodgers, who is frankly much more valuable than Eli. But there’s something invaluable you factor into the equation, and whatever that is, Eli is better than Rodgers, he’s better than his brother Peyton, he’s better than anyone.




Coughlin arms wrestles The Rock during gritty pre-pre-season game speech

In an effort to motivate the New York Giants, Head Coach and backup bad-guy-from-Speed Tom Coughlin challenged Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to an arm wrestling match. Giants quarterback Eli Manning describes the scene: “I was actually sneaking into Coach Tommy’s  mini-freezer for some ott…ice packs, and all the sudden Coach ripped his shirt off and started throwing chairs.”