Tag Archives: eli

Peyton found behind Papa Johns surrounded by beer in boat

Peyton Papa Johns Beer

It comes as no surprise to anybody that Peyton (and likely brother Eli, who jumped out of frame before we snapped the above photo) drank 30+ beers each and had one helluva sleepover party. Archie, father of both Peyton and Eli, only allows the boys to stay up past 11pm if they win a Super Bowl. “Obviously the boys are ecstatic,” said the eldest Manning, right before scolding both boys for snatching Otter Pops out of the family freezer.

Eli lands perfect ‘can you feel me now’ prank on Peyton

Peyton has lost touch in his fingertips, and while NFL analysts are massaging eachother and pretending to be spinal surgeons, the younger Eli has been scheming behind the scenes for the perfect prank call. Kudos, Eli.

Kirk Cousins steals pregame otter pops from Eli, Giants QB scores 5 TD’s as revenge

“He’s real sneaky,” Eli said after the game, in reference to Washington Bonercat quarterback Kirk Cousins, who was caught red-handed sneaking into Eli’s personal mini freezer full of otter pops. “I’m watching that freezer most of the day,” Eli said. The two decided to wager a bet on the Thursday night game – whoever got more fantasy football points, would get the otter pops. The rest is history.

Goodell trying to get Eli arrested to round out his fantasy team, The Goodellfelons

We now know why Goodell has had such sporadic rulings on the plethora of NFL incidents lately, and it’s the same reason we pay for DirecTV: fantasy football. Goodell’s team, The Goodellfelons, are chalk full of talent, and felonies. Which is perhaps why he’s been pestering NFL quarterbacks lately, trying to woo them into legal disputes. Goodell is ranked #1 in his league right now, barely ahead of Dan Schneider’s squad: The Redskinned Washingtons.