Tag Archives: jets

Jets in top preseason form after punchable QB gets coldcocked in the locker room

Geno Smith won’t be able to bark out any terrible offensive plays for the Jets anymore. Assuming the surgery goes well, it will be more than 6-10 weeks before Smith returns.

We were all wondering if the Jets would return to their normal dysfunctional ways, and it didn’t take long. After drafting someone who was previously arrested for punching an off-duty police officer, the Jets are bamboozled as to how an incident like this could’ve possibly happened.

The answer is that linebacker IK Enemkpali asked Smith to reimburse him $600, and when he didn’t get it, he sucker punched Geno. Since Smith could not fly to Enemkpali’s camp after the death of a close friend, IK asked for the money back, and then decided to invoke Mafia rule, to which the Jets replied in Trump form: ‘you’re fired.’

Luckily, Ryan Fitzpatrick is filling in. The former Bill played for Offensive Coordinator Chan Gailey in Buffalo, so there is a tiny bit of hope that the Jets will have mediocre play at the quarterback position this year.

Top Trades of the 2015 Offseason

There was no shortage of blockbuster trades this offseason. In what’s usually known as ‘is baseball really starting again?’ season, the NFL took the media headlines after a series of trades, drops and acquisitions. Below is a snapshot of what’s happened so far and why.

  1. Jimmy Graham to the Seahawks: Coach Pete Carroll announced ‘we need someone to counter-balance what Marshawn brings…we need a wimpy, whiny, red-headed red zone target that we can count on when we’re down 4 in the 4th quarter. It’s not rocket science, we want Jimmy.”
  2. Brandon Marshall to the Jets: If you combine this move with the Jet’s desire to deal for Johnny Manziel, there’s a good chance for success here.
  3. Bradford to be traded for Foles: Both coaches agree that the number 1 priority for acquiring a new sub-par quarterback is to consider their likeness to Napoleon Dynamite. A win-win for everyone here. Furthermore, Chip Kelly told our reporters that he’s also planning on burning his vinyl collection, divorcing his wife and drop-kicking his Shar-Pei before the season starts.
  4. Torrey Smith to the 49ers: Colin Kaepernick and team have been determined to squander another premier athlete’s talents in Silicon Valley. Welcome to the bay, Torrey.
  5. Colts acquire Frank Gore: The Indianapolis Colts will now rely on the sure-handed and hard-working Frank Gore instead of Trent Richardson. According to sources, Trent will be picked up by Indianapolis’ incumbent kickball municipal champions, Brews on First, in exchange for 6 pitchers of pregame PBR and an order of salted pretzels.
  6. Chiefs release Dwayne Bowe: This is a real shocker. $10.75 million is well worth the sticker price on this production machine. They’ll surely regret this next year.
  7. Bears fail to trade Jay Cutler for retired Dan Marino: Approached on the topic of this Bear’s loyalty, Jay dug into his jean pocket, struck a match across his pant leg and proceeded to smoke a cigarette for 8 minutes in front of the cameras, not saying a word. He ashed into Matt Forte’s cleats and then casually sauntered out of the locker room.