Tag Archives: peyton manning

Peyton found behind Papa Johns surrounded by beer in boat

Peyton Papa Johns Beer

It comes as no surprise to anybody that Peyton (and likely brother Eli, who jumped out of frame before we snapped the above photo) drank 30+ beers each and had one helluva sleepover party. Archie, father of both Peyton and Eli, only allows the boys to stay up past 11pm if they win a Super Bowl. “Obviously the boys are ecstatic,” said the eldest Manning, right before scolding both boys for snatching Otter Pops out of the family freezer.

After win, Peyton says: ‘it was like a dream…like, literally I think I’m sleep-walking’

Peyton Manning is Old

“Ole noodle arm is hanging in there” says Denver Broncos coach Gary Kubiak.

Such is the mentality of the Broncos faithful. Each game is a breathless struggle in between wobbly 15 yard pass attempts and pitiful movements within the pocket. With each sack, there is a collective clenching of teeth, followed by the stressful possibility that we could finally be witnessing Peyton’s last play as a player. But there is an obvious secret weapon at play here, and like most secret weapons, it smells like cheese.

Broncos lose; fans start ‘Bring Tebow Back’ chant at Mile High

It would only be a matter of time until John Elway wised up and chose Tim Tebow over Peyton Manning. “That time has come” Elway announced amidst the Mile High clouds.

Peyton and Julius Thomas bicker over pizza toppings, chemistry cools in win over Chiefs

“Japalenos AND grilled onions,” Peyton screamed at his stud tight end, Julius Thomas. Despite a tested win over Kansas City this weekend, the quarterback tight end combo has been in cahoots since the Bronco Saturday Night Sleepover, where Thomas apparently left out 2 essential ingredients when placing a pizza delivery call.  “Look, Julius is still a young guy, so I understand why he’s mainly focused on getting the sausage or the pepperoni.” Peyton then shoots Julius a glare across the interview table, “…but when you’ve been around as long as I have, you start to focus on the little things, like jalapenos and grilled onions…goddam grilled onions, Julius!”  Peyton took a deep breath and calmed himself as he looked straight into the camera with a smirk, “better ingredients, better pizza, Papa John’s.”