Tag Archives: seahawks

Blair Walsh’s mom in utter disbelief after kick misses wide left

The final moments of the 2015 NFC Wildcard playoff round between the Seattle Seahawks and the Minnesota Vikings are so epic, we figured it’s best to simply transcribe the final moments:

5 seconds to go…

Vikings trailing the Seahawks by 1…

This will WIN the game for Minnesota…

Here’s the snap…

Jeff Locke holds…

The kick…

And it’s WIDE!

Oh no, its NO GOOD!

Blair Walsh blew a 27 yard field goal!!!

I don’t believe it!

The Vikings lose! The Vikings lose! The Vikings lose! The Vikings lose!

Top Trades of the 2015 Offseason

There was no shortage of blockbuster trades this offseason. In what’s usually known as ‘is baseball really starting again?’ season, the NFL took the media headlines after a series of trades, drops and acquisitions. Below is a snapshot of what’s happened so far and why.

  1. Jimmy Graham to the Seahawks: Coach Pete Carroll announced ‘we need someone to counter-balance what Marshawn brings…we need a wimpy, whiny, red-headed red zone target that we can count on when we’re down 4 in the 4th quarter. It’s not rocket science, we want Jimmy.”
  2. Brandon Marshall to the Jets: If you combine this move with the Jet’s desire to deal for Johnny Manziel, there’s a good chance for success here.
  3. Bradford to be traded for Foles: Both coaches agree that the number 1 priority for acquiring a new sub-par quarterback is to consider their likeness to Napoleon Dynamite. A win-win for everyone here. Furthermore, Chip Kelly told our reporters that he’s also planning on burning his vinyl collection, divorcing his wife and drop-kicking his Shar-Pei before the season starts.
  4. Torrey Smith to the 49ers: Colin Kaepernick and team have been determined to squander another premier athlete’s talents in Silicon Valley. Welcome to the bay, Torrey.
  5. Colts acquire Frank Gore: The Indianapolis Colts will now rely on the sure-handed and hard-working Frank Gore instead of Trent Richardson. According to sources, Trent will be picked up by Indianapolis’ incumbent kickball municipal champions, Brews on First, in exchange for 6 pitchers of pregame PBR and an order of salted pretzels.
  6. Chiefs release Dwayne Bowe: This is a real shocker. $10.75 million is well worth the sticker price on this production machine. They’ll surely regret this next year.
  7. Bears fail to trade Jay Cutler for retired Dan Marino: Approached on the topic of this Bear’s loyalty, Jay dug into his jean pocket, struck a match across his pant leg and proceeded to smoke a cigarette for 8 minutes in front of the cameras, not saying a word. He ashed into Matt Forte’s cleats and then casually sauntered out of the locker room.

Hauschka questions play-calling: “we should’ve kicked it”

“Look, all I’m saying is I had the 5th most field goals of any kicker this year. Fifth! That’s big money, baby. And in the playoffs, I kick a two!! Why isn’t the media discussing field-goal-gate?!?”

Hauschka has been notably upset throughout this year’s postseason, due in part to the Seahawks reluctance to kick. “Me and Matt Prater had the same amount of field goals,” Steven huffed, “and he actually told me he was drunk in the one and only game he played. How does he get more action than the me. They don’t call me Steven Bringin’ Down the Hauschka for nothin!”

Understandably, Marshawn Lynch, deflategate and a litany of other distractions have drawn the focus away from the Middlebury College standout. Hopefully next year, after Steven leads the Seahawks 3rd straight Super Bowl, we won’t overlook this champion.