Tag Archives: tom brady

Top 5 Patriots Quarterbacks since 2005


Love em or hate em, the Patriots are a dynasty. And despite Belichik’s adorable smile and Shane Vereen’s ferocious running style, the quarterback position has been the glue of the organization. We thought it worth your while to recap the last 10 years of Patriots quarterbacks, ranked by our team of professionals.


5. Matt Cassel

Matt Cassel

Cassel is the quintessential come from behind success story. Third on the depth chart at one point (behind all timer Doug Flutie), he scored some valuable playing time during a 41-17 loss to the Chargers in 2005. His stats were impressive, going 2-for-4 for 15 yards, including a 3rd completion that won’t hit the stat sheet. That’s because it was to San Diego Charger Donnie Edwards, who ended up lateraling the ball to Clinton Hart, who then ran it in for a 40 yard touchdown. Mallet never left the spotlight after that remarkable play. That’s why he’s the 5th greatest Pat QB of the last 10 years.


4. Jonathan Crompton

Jonathan Crompton

2011 was a tough year for the Patriots, as they had to waive Crompton and release him to the rest of the league. The Pats wouldn’t win another Super Bowl for 3 years because of this, but despite the tragic breakup, JC found his niche in Canada. Crompton lead the Montreal Alouettes to an Eastern Semi-final victory over the BC Lions, but was unable to overcome the divisional champion Hamilton Tiger-Cats in the Eastern Final. Worry not, Crompton fans, he’ll be back. He always is.


3. Tom Brady

Sad Tom

Most quarterbacks in the NFL enjoy fame, fortune, and international models as wives. But Tom, poor poor Tom, just hasn’t quite had the luck. Overshadowed by megastars like former running back BenJarvus Green-Ellis or tight end Aaron Hernandez, Tom hasn’t had the opportunity to really make a name for himself. But you know what, he earns that roster spot every year. And for that, he deserves a spot on this list. The third best Patriot quarterback since 2005. Best of luck to you, Tom. We truly mean that.


2. Ryan Mallet

Ryan Mallet

There’s too much history to decipher with Mallet and the Patriots. He was taken, nay, stolen in the 3rd round by the Patriots in 2011. Only Drew Bledsoe, aka the greatest Patriot of all time, was taken with a higher pick. Additionally, the Pats traded away Randy Moss for Mallet’s pick because, well, he’s worth it. Just a truly magnificent story.


1. Brian Hoyer

Brian Hoyer

We’re all aware of the successes of Brian Hoyer. After going undrafted, he gets picked up by the Pats, their fourth string quarterback. Then he shocks the nation in preseason, going 29-44 for 354 and a tug (98.1 passer rating). Fast forward to the real season. All other Pats quarterbacks have been waived to make way for Hoyer.

We’ve heard this story a thousand times by now but it hasn’t gotten old:

It’s the fourth quarter, and Belichik has finally come to his senses by replacing Brady with Hoyer. On his first ever professional drive, Hoyer goes 5 for 5. He racks up 35 yards. And the best part – he gave it a happy ending with a 1 yard rushing tug. How happy was that ending for Hoyer? It not only catapulted the career of the future hall of famer, but it set the franchise record for points scored.

Fast forward to current day. Sadly, Hoyer is in the shadow of Johnny Manziel, the single greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL. Johnny gets the rings, he gets the MVPs, he gets the bombshell wife. It’s too bad, because the Pats haven’t had many good QB’s. It’s hard to see Hoyer as a backup to anyone.




Tom Brady double dares Richard Sherman to touch his balls

They’re moist, they’re clean, and most importantly, they’re fully inflated. Tom Brady recently spoke of his balls at the latest Super Bowl press conference. He also issued a massive challenge – a double dare – to Seahawks defensive spokesman Richard Sherman. ‘C’mon Dick, grab em, squeeze em, fondle them with your Stanford diploma. My balls are primed and ready for you.’ Sherman declined to comment, citing that Tom’s balls are so suffocating he has been unable to trash talk for days.



Playoff pregame: Brady confronts Flacco for ‘fake poop in the pillow’ prank


The two quarterbacks share 4 Super Bowl rings, 1 ‘mustache de rape’, 1 supermodel wife, and now to add to the list…a bit of previously harbored and currently unleashed angst due to the placing of a fake turd on Tom’s pillow. “I’m f*ckin pissed, and I KNOW it was Joey.” screamed Tom at a news conference Monday afternoon. The two will face off next weekend with a ticket to the conference championships on the line.

How does an elite NFL QB relax? We ask Tom Brady.

It might come as a surprise to many of you to learn that Tom Brady is actually a very insecure guy. He’s had to fight for every opportunity to become the elite QB man he is today (think Michigan, first few seasons with the Pats, and Giselle after the first time they engaged in intercourse (he didn’t rub that easy one out before, rookie mistake)).

How do you possibly relieve the stress that a man like this lives everyday? Easy. Two words.